Death

When I think of death, I usually end up pondering about when my time here on earth will be up. Will it be early, will it be late? I suppose in God's mind, neither is correct. It is always just right, in His time.

Tonight I wondered what would I do if I had just one more day to live.

I think, I would spend the day hugging every beloved here on earth, tell them that they are loved, and to stay beautiful and happy even when i'm gone. 

Fearless

Once in awhile, this curious mentality of mine pops up. It's the something-bad-is-going-to-happen-because-things-are-too-good-to-be-true. In other words, it's thinking of the worst case scenario. For example, the thought of something happening to my family, the thought of something happening to me, the thought of friendships and relationships being ruined by something that cannot be prevented does come up in my mind once in awhile. It's not something recent, in fact I remember when I was in primary school, I stayed up disturbed one night with the thought: what if I get leukemia? 

On a lighter note, I don't get depressed by these thoughts. But they do bug me once in awhile.

And really, I kinda hate it. I hate it because once in awhile, another thought interrupts all these morbid thoughts, asking why must there always be something bad that happens. It reveals that some part of my heart somehow doesn't believe in perfection. It also shows that somehow, I don't believe that God wants to keep me safe. It's a horrible, heart sinking thought. 

I don't know if i'm the only one who suffers from such things. However, I do know that there is no fear in Love. And it's something I need to work on truly truly believing in.