Happy Birthday Malaysia

It is the 31st of August. Like any normal Malaysian, we all know what day it is today. Although so very often it normally just simply equates to FIREWORKS/MERCUN DAY in the nonsense part of my mind, I know it means a lot more to me. Ever since in secondary school, a couple of my friends and I would get my whole class high on singing the national day songs. (the same thing happened when Christmas was drawing near. Though I don't know how I believed that october = Christmas is coming) Hahaha...  but behind all these crazy things I occasionally do which normally results in many death stares around me, there is a heart which sincerely loves and wants to celebrate this day...

What do you think when the word Malaysia comes to mind?? To me, "home" is the word that sums up everything. Home is a place where love resides. Love does not always mean 100% positive moments, but it encompasses the negative as well. True love is reflected when it doesn't fail when hard times comes its way. Having grown up in Malaysia all my life, this is where many things happened and where many people are. Childhood, Adolescence, family, friends, God. Ok God is everywhere I know, but it is here that I came to know God. Should I be born in Australia, UK or even America, I may not really know who He is. I can't guess how I'll be like should I be anywhere but where I am right now, but I know the countless blessings I have by just being in Malaysia and being placed in the circumstances I am in right now. Yes, for those who know my story, I'M NOT MIGRATING. I already made up my mind and I'm happy about it.

I love home because it is where I got my education. I love home because it is where I can have friends of different religions and love them all the same. I love home because I can get lost with my absolutely horrible sense of direction without feeling too worried because there's always a way back to slightly more familiar ground. I love home because it is small; you are never too far away from the people you love (Well, not that far...). I love home because there are alot of public holidays. I love home because we are blessed enough to complain about how we took an hour to get to one place due to the public transportation (people in bigger places take HOURS sometimes). I love home because traffic jams are about the worst thing we get. I love home because there are 'dramas' everywhere. I love home because we are spoilt for choice when it comes to material things. 

The last few ones were more frivolous points, but things to be thankful about, instead of complaining about them. I always believe in a heart of gratitude. With a heart such as this, you would find yourself younger because jaded people are those with an unsettled heart. There will never be a perfect home or nation, in the eyes of our imperfect souls. (That is why, we look forward to heaven!) So while we strive for a better Malaysia, there are many many many things to thank Him for. 

But yes, the best thing about home is that, here is where wonderful family and friends reside. Whether we stay in the west, east, central or north or even in sabah and sarawak, it is really never THAT far away compared to other big nation with different timezones in it. XD

To me, it doesn't really matter what color or race  the people in my HOME are. Because we are still a big family all together as we stand united and live as one. Racism just doesn't appear in my dictionary.

What a patriotic post. Now if only the words are in red... HAHAHA KIDDING. =P

Happy Birthday Malaysia. Thank God for you. May you thank Him today and always too. =)

My life should be covered with Faith

I want my life to be built with faith.

People may build theirs with achievements, wealth, popularity, relationships (or love, as they may call it), and goodness knows what else. Well they do make sense, till you throw in the reality that these are only temporal, and there is much more in store when life on earth ends.

6 So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in him,7 rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.

 

God, such earthly things do not matter to me. Let them never matter to me even as I grow older with each passing year. It is my dream, hope and prayer to continually pursue Godliness with eyes ever fixed on You.

God's Calling

(Hi i’m typing this at 1.45am in the morning so it may not make sense)

Reading this devotion (long after it was sent teehee) made me think back on those days in secondary high school CF where we all kept thinking about our callings in life. Or maybe it was just me. I would think, ponder, journal hard about it, pray hard about it.

Then, as life progressed in the last couple of years or so, it got exciting in many ways and school got intense. I suppose school can sometimes blur out the question of ‘what’s my calling?’

And as I was thinking through all these, I realized a few things.

1. I haven’t been entirely focused on finding out what my specific calling. Or rather, I haven’t been intentional in asking God about it.

2. (Speaking generally with regards to the people my age/era) To get caught up with life and school, is that slow but surely process of sliding into adulthood. The adulthood we see in our parents/older people sometimes and wonder why do they seem to be so tired and purpose-less in their lives. I recall this because the other day my mum was asking me what my ambition in life was. I asked her in return what was hers when she was my age and she replied saying that by then, she kinda lost her ambition (HAHA) due to the couple years of working before that.

I always wondered - how do we retain a child-like faith, a child-like joy? If we are called to be like little children, it means it isn’t impossible. I have supposed, that it is to constantly approach Jesus as a child (note, not immature, there is a difference there). Children are bright creatures, full of hope, dreams and eager to do right because it is right. They love to love wholeheartedly and will typically not hesitate to tell someone they love them if they do. And in some ways, children with hopes and dreams will never stop dreaming about what they are here for and what they can possibly do.

Hence, I am guessing here that we must never stop pondering and asking God about our calling. Even when we think we’re on the way to figuring it out, even when the difficulties in life (ministry, school, uni, works etc) gets you down, even when God doesn’t seem to be speaking. This attitude, reflects more of a child than of an human adult.

Thoughts for myself (and maybe for you too! =). My personal prayer for myself is that i’ll never get too caught up in life to remember the ultimate purpose of all.

Time to seek that calling again.

Take Up Your Cross

The phrase “take up your cross” has not fared well through the generations. Ask for a definition, and you’ll hear answers like, “My cross is my mother-in-law, my job, my bad marriage, my cranky boss, or the dull preacher.” The cross, we assume, is any besetting affliction or personal hassle. My thesaurus agrees. It lists the following synonyms for cross: frustration, trying situation, snag, hitch, and drawback.

The cross means so much more. It is God’s tool of redemption, instrument of salvation—proof of his love for people. To take up the cross, then, is to take up Christ’s burden for the people of the world.

Though our crosses are similar, none are identical. “If any of you want to be my followers, you must forget about yourself. You must take up your cross each day and follow me” (Luke 9:23 CEV, emphasis mine).

We each have our own cross to carry—our individual calling. Discover your God-designed task. It fits. It matches your passions and enlists your gifts and talents. Want to blow the cloud cover off your gray day? Accept God’s direction.

“The Lord has assigned to each his task” (1 Corinthians3:5 NIV). What is yours? What is your unique call, assignment, mission? A trio of questions might help.

In what directions has God taken you?
What needs has God revealed to you?
What abilities has God given to you?

Direction. Need. Ability. Your spiritual DNA. You at your best. You and your cross.

While none of us is called to carry the sin of the world (Jesus did that), all of us can carry a burden for the world.

Check your vital signs. Something stirs you. Some call brings energy to your voice, conviction to your face, and direction to your step. Isolate and embrace it. Nothing gives a day a greater chance than a good wallop of passion.

- Max Lucado

Photobook

It Finally Arrived...
Abit too late perhaps??
I trust in God's timing though..

Happy Birthday Sabrina

Happy Birthday Sabrina...

Birthdays

Pictures says it all. I did have a good and great day. but somehow I wish others had the same feeling..
Happy Birthday Sabrina and Happy Belated Birthday Eugene.

Nooo. Whyyy?

The When you have an argument with the person who is close to you.
Trust me, it sucks.
It juz breaks up everything.
Anyway, am looking forward for tomorrow and trying NOT TO THINK TOO MUCH.

PS: Esther Goh, thank you for talking to me out of this. Owe You.

Past is Past

Ok thank you for telling me
But I dont really see why the past matters so much.
Oh whatever. I want to sleep. I pray that sleeping will be better
I want to leave for Australia AGAIN now.
I dunno. I just want to leave my house
I want to cry on someone's shoulder.
I want to scream without hurting my throat
God, this year kinda sucks and plz plz plz take away what ever shits i am thinking/going through
God. I just wanna screamm. I want icecream, I want chocolates, I want yorgurt.
I want whatever that will stop me from feeling like this.
And if i cry. I hope that there is a bucket waiting for my tears to drip.
Or maybe some friend or girlfriend to come and hug me and say "Everything Will Be Alright Danker"  
Gosh, never thought about all these stuff la. like hmmmmmmm. like soooooo dramatic. 
oh but whatever la. I dunno what to say anyways.
Time to head to bed.

Commitment

COMMITMENT

A word that has been swimming around my head the entire day.

So what does it really mean?

I have come to see that the definition and heart of it means different things to different people.

All Because Of Love

“Who has measured the waters in the hollow of his hand,
Measured heaven with a span
And calculated the dust of the earth in a measure?
Weighed the mountains in scales
And the hills in a balance?
Who has directed the Spirit of the Lord,
Or as His counselor has taught Him?
With whom did He take counsel,
and who instructed Him,
And taught Him in the path of justice?
Who taught Him knowledge,
And showed Him the way of understanding?”

The Bible, Isaiah 40: 12-14.

Reading such descriptions of God often leaves me thinking about just how big, awesome and lovely He is. Which leads me to the next question: Why would He bother about a being so small and worthless such as me?

I suppose, it is because of Love.

To Love HIM

To love our God,
the reason we live;
To love our God,
the highest call.
Nothing satisfies our soul,
gives life meaning, makes us whole.
For this purpose we were made
to love our God!

Kingdom Comes

When anger fills your heart
When in your pain and hurt
You find the strength to stop
You bless instead of curse

When doubting floods your soul
Though all things feel unjust
You open up your heart
You find a way to trust

That's a little stone that's a little mortar
That's a little seed that's a little water
In the hearts of the sons and the daughters
The kingdom's coming

When fear engulfs your mind
Says you protect your own
You still extend your hand
You open up your home

When sorrow fills your life
When in your grief and pain
You choose again to rise
You choose to bless the name

That's a little stone that's a little mortar
That's a little seed that's a little water
In the hearts of the sons and the daughters
The kingdom's coming

In the mundane tasks of living
In the pouring out and giving
In the waking up and trying
In the laying down and dying

That's a little stone that's a little mortar
That's a little seed that's a little water
In the hearts of the sons and the daughters
The kingdom's coming

Happy Birthday to Me

Happy Birthday to MEEEEEEE....

2013 has been a bumbling year thus far. Learning so much, seeing so much. in some ways I really do feel like there's so much growing up to do this year, and yet when I write in my journal I still pray about being the guy He would be well pleased with. I don't know if there will ever come a day where I can write man or grown guy, but at least for now I can only describe myself as that. At least when it's me and God, I'm really nothing more than a little boy. 

I suppose it's something I always hope to maintain; the balance between being mature, and yet having that child-like heart and faith. 

Anyhooo, I've been incredibly incredibly blessed thus far. Thankful thankful, because I know that I really am undeserving of all that i've been given. 

Its Friday Friday..

(Because it's a Friday morning and my brain hasn't completely activated into 'work' mode)

(Also, this is in no particular order)

1. Good morning messages
2. Wind
3. Pretty scenery
4. Flowers
5. Photography
6. Sleep
7. Meeting up with friends over yummy food.
8. Alone time with God
9. White
10. Facebook

With this I conclude that I am very much a guy. Yay! HAHAHAHA. Okay goodbye, here's to the last day of the week.

To Love Our God

To love our God,
the reason we live;
To love our God,
the highest call.
Nothing satisfies our soul,
gives life meaning, makes us whole.
For this purpose we were made
to love our God!


Such a beautiful song

Grace 2

When grace is given, we do not abuse it. We cherish it. We learn from those who have gone before us; we do not repeat their errors.

Life has more Bads than Goods?

“But I believe good things happen everyday. I believe good things happen even when bad things happen. And I believe on a happy day like today, we can still feel a little sad. And that’s life, isn’t it?”

- Gabrielle Zevin, Elsewhere

When every bad moment comes to you at one

Won't be blogging for some time.
Going out on a holiday.

In the meantime if you wake up in the morning thinking all bad things are coming your way, here's a quote for you. =)

“When everything seems to be coming in all at the wrong time because it’s all happening at once, all the more you know that He is greater and He is in perfect control.”

Just thoughts

“I wonder if there were many a times, God would look down from heaven at me and my perception of things in life and say ‘this silly boy.’
If He does, I hope He’s saying that with a smile. For He knows of greater things to come, far beyond my imagination.

He probably is, and that smile is one with grace.
”

In All Times

I hear You say,
"My love is over. It’s underneath.
It’s inside. It’s in between.
The times you doubt Me, when you can’t feel.
The times that you question, ‘Is this for real? ‘
The times you’re broken.
The times that you mend.
The times that you hate Me, and the times that you bend.
Well, My love is over, it’s underneath.
It’s inside, it’s in between.
These times you’re healing, and when your heart breaks.
The times that you feel like you’re falling from grace.
The times you’re hurting.
The times that you heal.
The times you go hungry, and are tempted to steal.
The times of confusion, in chaos and pain.
I’m there in your sorrow, under the weight of your shame.
I’m there through your heartache.
I’m there in the storm.
My love I will keep you, by My pow’r alone.
I don’t care where you fall, where you have been.
I’ll never forsake you, My love never ends.
It never ends."

- Tenth Avenue North

Grace

For who am I to serve You?
I know that I don’t deserve You
But thats the part that burns in my heart
And keeps me hanging on.

-Grace by Laura Story

I don’t know why, but this song always brings a great sense of comfort, blessedness, peace, joy, warmth, love, humility, gentleness.

Its true. That when your eyes are fixed on Jesus and just a bit of who He is, the things of this world slowly fades away.  

Essentials

I am not a materialistic person, although I like pretty things. But, there are three ‘material’ things I can’t do without for too long - if not everyday.

(in order of importance)
1. Bible
2. Organizer
3. Phone 

And technically, the 1. and 3. point can be compressed together because 1 can be found in 3. Heeh! 

Sometimes

Sometimes I am at my happiest when I’m in my room with a list of things I need to do to get my life in more order, completing those things, good music playing at a good volume in the room, and knowing that God.. is God.

I take such joy, knowing that my time is spent productively :D :D 

Better You

I wonder what the world will be like if we all just got along
There would be more happy songs
We’ll be dancing all day long

~ Better You, by David Choi

This is really a nice likable song. It brings happiness and it makes me remember what brings me the most joy, what i’m meant to do here on this earth. Though i’m not entirely sure of the full plan, its okay because the important thing is to live in the present moment. Do whatever God has called you and shown you, and make the most meaning out of it. 

I knew I was forgetting something

OH MY GOSH. . . . .
I knew I forgot to do something....
SABRINA'S BIRTHDAY PRESENT @.@

:O

God is in Control

Just exactly what are you trying to do God? I don’t know, and i won’t fight with you. Instead, i’m gonna trust and embrace the unknown. For I know that everything will be good, just cause you are in control (:

Life is just too short

Come on Kenneth. Stop thinking of the small stupid things. You're not stupid are you.

Nothing but the blood of Jesus

“What can wash away my sin?
Nothing but the blood of Jesus;
What can make me whole again?
Nothing but the blood of Jesus.”

— Nothing But The Blood by Robert Lowry

Calmness

“There is a calmness to a life lived in Gratitude, a quiet joy.”

— Ralph H. Blum

exam's over

Just finished exam today. But I think I need to get my sleeping debts first... shall continue to blog tomorrow.

I guess I should study

So I guess I won't be blogging now until 23rd of May.
Final exam is just around the corner.
Pray for me ya.
Thanks and bye.

Hello, my name is Danker, Kenneth Danker

I am feeling blissfully happy right now, even though i'm in the midst of a crazy week. My sem is coming to an end, indicating the nearing of my finals, which comes 2 weeks from now :( Even though in the worldly sense this totally sucks right now, because there's like a trillion things to do, I feel quite light hearted now! Maybe its because I just finished all my classes.. so NO MORE CLASSES YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. 

anyway.

I am sitting at my balcony. Its a lovely one, and this shall be my new study place (: I think i've grown to love the outdoor air and breeze very much, and I really like the outdoor setting here. heavenly (:

And since i'm in a blissfully happy mood now, I shall attempt something very random. (Actually, I think I can do anything random in any mood, but ANYHOW..) Here's just a short post on what I like best and how I like my life to be structured.

I think I am a person who likes the best of both worlds. I love people, but I also like being alone at times. like now, i'm having my alone time. (: I love interacting with people (well as you all know, I am not exactly quiet). I discovered recently that I enjoy very much being around with people of varying ages. from the young, to the youth, to the young adults (aka older than me). Each has their own rewarding experiences, and I really treasure each one of them. There are some things you can do with youths & young adults but not with kids, and vice versa. With kids, the inner child in me can emerge (HAHA) and simple joyful talk can happen, while with youths and young adults other things, especially sharing can take place. I like both very much (: And I'm really thankful that I have the opportunity to interact with all.

I love being around people. All the random and impromptu meetups with friends, and all the planned and organized ones. I don't regret any of them, because I cherish every moment given to catch up with people. Most of the time, you all make me laugh, and I leave you speechless sometimes when the strange train of thought comes out of my mouth. (seriously, you just haven't reached the cheem level of thinking!) For some, you inspire and encourage me. And hopefully I've done the same..?? =/

Yet I also love being alone. When i wander around town and other random places, and when I find a nice place to sit down, with my journal at hand and good music plugged in. Perhaps this is when I get to wind down, reflect and all that has been happening. You know, its not really me, myself and I. its more of me and Christ in me. This is part of my quiet time. Many a times, this is when I get inspired to do certain things, start certain projects, or re-motivate myself. As I get busier with life, all the more this alone time becomes critical. Don't wanna find myself rushing around doing things and slowly forgetting the reason why i'm doing all this, and what life really is all about. that would be, tragic.=(

So thats how I like to spend my time. my hope this year is to have this balance. It'll keep me healthy socially and emotionally! :D

I like making things too. and giving them to people. though my art is fail in pri & secondary school, maybe its a different story now. Another good thing about having alone time is that you tend to observe things around you more. Maybe that has helped? I don't know. I'm still in the process in discovering this part about myself.

Actually i think I am quite a boring person. or maybe not. haha. ok no Danker, get that mindset out of your mind. tsk.

Ok so in conclusion, though all these things and activities make my life lovely, the one thing that really makes my life complete is having the personal relationship with my Jesus =D. Its not about the family and friends (though you all play a large part), or the past times, but about the fact that salvation is here for me, and I've got grace. which brings forth faith, hope and love. These 3 are the utmost important, and also perhaps the 3 things that drives me in life and the way life is for me. Without Him, I wouldn't be who I am. So thank God for God, and He is the first love, and in all my days, I would want to find myself growing more like Him, continually chasing after Him =)

back to study 

Here's To Never Growing Up

I dunno why, but I'm completely addicted to this song. So wanna be free from exams right now. Wanna partayyyyyy.... =D

Singing Radiohead at the top of our lungs

With the boom box blaring as we're falling in love

I got a bottle of whatever, but it's getting us drunk

Singing here's to never growing up

Call up all our friends, go hard this weekend

For no damn reason, I don't think we'll ever change

Meet you at the spot, half past ten o'clock

We don't ever stop, and we're never gonna change

Say, won't you say forever stay

If you stay forever hey

We can stay forever young

Singing Radiohead at the top of our lungs

With the boom box blaring as we're falling in love

I got a bottle of whatever, but it's getting us drunk

Singing, here's to never growing up

We'll be running down the street, yelling "Kiss my ass!"

I'm like yeah whatever, we're still living like that

When the sun's going down, we'll be raising our cups

Singing, here's to never growing up

Oh whoa, oh whoa, here's to never growing up

Oh whoa, oh whoa, here's to never growing up

We live like rock stars, dance on every bar

This is who we are, I don't think we'll ever change

They say just grow up, but they don't know us

We don't give a fuck, and we're never gonna change

Say, won't you say forever stay

If you stay forever hey

We can stay forever young

Singing Radiohead at the top of our lungs

With the boom box blaring as we're falling in love

I got a bottle of whatever, but it's getting us drunk

Singing, here's to never growing up

We'll be running down the street, yelling "Kiss my ass!"

I'm like yeah whatever, we're still living like that

When the sun's going down, we'll be raising our cups

Singing, here's to never growing up

Oh whoa, oh whoa, here's to never growing up

Oh whoa, oh whoa, here's to never growing up

Say, won't you say forever stay

If you stay forever hey

We can stay forever young

Singing Radiohead at the top of our lungs

With the boom box blaring as we're falling in love

I got a bottle of whatever, but it's getting us drunk

Singing, here's to never growing up

We'll be running down the street, yelling "Kiss my ass!"

I'm like yeah whatever, we're still living like that

When the sun's going down, we'll be raising our cups

Singing, here's to never growing up

Oh whoa, oh whoa, here's to never growing up

Oh whoa, oh whoa, here's to never growing up

Oh whoa, oh whoa, here's to never growing up

Oh whoa, oh whoa, here's to never growing up

High Mood

I'm in a high high mood today i feel like giggling like some 5year old child haha =D
Maybe because i'm very amused with spotting (I'LL NEVER SPOT AGAIN!)
Maybe this time is funnier because people spotted wrongly with me!
hahahaha funny

Yes, do you know how much people can really make me smile? Yeah its amazing, how each one of you keep making my day. It leaves me thanking God for all of you =). I really do make it a point to thank God for every small blessing. Makes me more aware of things i should be thankful of. even small things like seeing questions I do know how to do. I try to make it a point to direct all my joy to the Lord =). It's because He's in control & that means that we shouldn't always be only reminded that He's in control during the bad times, but He's really quite in control during the good times! haha =)

so thank you to you all :D wheeeeeeee.

I'm a happy person with a happy heart with a hungry stomach (ready for dinner). hence, GOODBYE....

Unspoken Words

there's a million things i want to say to you, to tell you.
to sum it up: thank you.
in expression-wise: =)

but i just don't know how to say it face to face.

Manic Monday again.

Always think of this song whenever its Monday.

Distanced

Weekends are short and precious. Times like this I try to distance myself from others as much as I can for fear of their safety and our friendship. Sunday's gonna end and hello Monday blues.

Numb of Numb

I’ve been in kinda of a daze the last couple of days. Caught myself staring into space too many times. Don’t really know what I’m doing. Had a good long talk with my friends last night and felt a bit better but more confused than ever. I would probably feel better after a good cry but heyyyyyyy~ even my tear glands are not cooperating. It’s been frustrating that I cannot express how I’m feeling inside. I feel like I need to throw myself against a wall or something but yeah who am I kidding I am so boring I’m just gonna lie in bed and type a whole load of shit like I’m doing now and hope things get better which is like never. Is this what they call being numb?

Games in Life

Are there even rules in this game? Who should do what, who owes who what, who has to do what, who should start first, how do you end things, when do you do what, should you do this, should you never think about doing that. I don’t know how to deal with this. Because there aren’t.

I can’t seem to do anything right. And there isn’t much time left to try.

Hurtful

Walking around the heartlands running errands, sitting on the train staring at the people opposite me staring right back at me, I felt a pang of sadness. Office people going through the motions everyday because someone has to put bread on the table, the old and the poor standing on their feet for hours on end despite their rheumatism, trying to hand out flyers to passers-by outside the LRT station who brush them off time and again. I couldn’t help but feel sad at how unfair life is. I know this should make me even more grateful for what I have but it just makes me more jaded. And a little angry at myself cuz I can’t help it but I’m always about me, me ,me. But that’s what the world is about isn’t it. Every man for himself.

By Faith

everyone needs that faith, over & over again.
oh Lord help, its been such a struggle & I don't want to lose it.i know, the battle His the victory mine. And I need daily affirmation. =)
haha, yes. i'm going to be such a nerd till I start working.
THAT MEANS, LITTLE CONTACT WITH THE OUTSIDE WORLD WAHAHHA.

well, I'm determined to win this time round. =D
And I'm sorry if i get withdrawn in any way recently or any time in the future, its called stresss!!! And also sick recently so yeah =/ ah well, good rest during this one week but also time to study study study! then can play play play on 23rd may onwards whoohooo =D thats like, exciting! very exciting and I cant wait.. =)

And I'm gonna pray pray pray!

I think Jesus had a whole lot of faith. hmm.

I think i grew taller

I think i'm not lame

HAHA okay i should stop thinking like that. i know, i have such a unique train of thought! such a special train yes yes (:

(see la now... i forgot what i wanted to say..lol..)

haaaaaa okay I'm off to meet up Sabrina now.. chiao...

A Thousand Times I Failed

still your mercy remains.
should i stumble again
i'm caught in Your grace.



indeed we have an amazing God.
i love playing the piano.  Am so highly addicted to play such sweet pieces on it! Its a form a stress relief, & somehow it lets me think alot. somehow my mind always drifts when i'm playing a piece of some sort.

I guess i'm at peace now (:

And once again, THANK YOU, YOU TWO, SISTERS =D the both of you never fail to amaze me & humour me. You two always make me feel like giggling like I'm a SOMEONE. And not to forget friends that are away from Malaysia. Thank you for sacrificing your time to talk to me. I truly appreciate that. =)

Ah well, i feel like talking to someone, but i don't know who. Maybe i should just sleep?? XP

Sufficient

When I become more acutely aware of grace and its power, and start letting it penetrate and consume my thoughts and my whole way of thinking,
the more I start to see that my whole life is undeserved.
That what I have, how I am, the blessings I receive are all what I'm not worthy of.

And yet, it still happens.

Yesterday I wrote in my journal-

"..just looking at everything, I truly do not know where I'll be without Jesus, and His grace, strength and love.

God, I'm sorry for the times I felt like faltering, and wanting to give up. I'm sorry for the times I mega-ly underestimated You. I'm sorry for the times where I felt emotions that do not come from You. I really don't deserve You.

But yet, You still love me.

That burns and pierces my heart through and through. That you see pass my weakness and failure and instead, see the word "child".

When you whisper to me that You'll never give up on me, the least I can do is to whisper back that I'll never give up on You either."



Thank You for being beautiful. 

Refinement

 I had a wonderful day and I'm going to post my thoughts and reflections on a facebook note really soon. 

Haha God You have been really........ captivating.

But first up, GET HOT GREEN TEA. :)

His dream, My dream

Since 11am, I've been studying for my finals. And somehow, my heart has been breaking. The words "frustration, insecurity, low self-esteem, anxiety, support, anger of frustration, sensory integrative dysfunction, poor mind absorption skills" came up to me when I was reading.

I stop studying, sit back in my chair, and let it all soak in.

The struggles we have sometimes are so minor. We at least have the natural mechanism to handle and manage (most of) our emotions, but sometimes, we just can't. We are able to understand that we can trust in a Higher One. Whether we do it or not is an entirely different matter. In other words, its hard to stay alone. We need someone to talk to.

The question that resounds in me is - "Dear hearts, do you know that there's a God who loves you all so much? A God who knows your innermost thoughts that you may not even know. A God who cries for the forsaken hearts of yours, a God who died for you so that He may one day literally pick you up in his arms?"

Imagine, someone or God was telling me this. I really can cry, just thinking of them and all these hurts and frustrations. And I cry because I think, I am feeling a little of how God must be feeling.

But it is because of this, because I am given the chance to correct the wrongs, because I feel so much for that, I feel compelled to press on. To press on in availing myself and making myself competent just so that I have the opportunity to grow and to show others that we all have a love that is patient, kind, always protects, always hopes, always perseveres, and never fails. 

And it is with each passing thought such as this, I think God is showing me that what I've been guessing and hoping would be part of my calling, is going to be a dream come true. His dream, my dream.

Blessing

When God takes away something, its because He's giving you something much better. 

I experienced that again in a wonderful way yesterday and today. Yesterday, I managed to talked to a friend on skype. Knowing all the problems that person had, she has finally moved on and started a new life. Proud of her. 

Today, well, I suppose to go out and meet Sabrina. But due to spontaneous last minute personal events, we aren't fortunate to meet up with each other. I know it's gonna be sad, but I tend to look at the good side of it. Maybe there's a reason why we shouldn't meet today. I'm trying not get myself down especially finals is coming in a month's time. So I was basically all alone PHYSICALLY at home with Mum in America, Dad and elder Brother at work, Grandparents in church for a funeral, younger Brother in college for class. I decided to study and get my mind on the books and off things. Well, I GOT TIME so might as well study.

2 hours gone by and I told myself, "ok I need a break." Took the break off from the books and spoke to God. I dunno whether its clearly speaking to Him or I was thinking/flashing/dreaming about the moments that made me happy throughout the year 2013. And what made those moments happy were me helping them to be happy. Make sense?? Well, to make it clearer, I like helping people. I really do. Blessing others has already been a part of me since I was born. And when those people smile and say thank you to me in return, it just brightens up my day. I dun ask for anything more but just the happiness in them. Friends do ask me "Wow, Danker, you would really risk alot and do that for all of them?? If me, I wouldn't even bother.". Yes, I know, sometimes I do too much and I dun really know whether its a good thing or a bad thing but one thing I do know is that whatever I do, I do because of HIM. Been turning sad faces into smiling faces of people in need this year has already been an achievement for me. And I wish that people whom are close to me can see that appreciate this person I am today. Speaking of that, I realise where was I wrong all this time. I hid all those bad failure moments in my study life. Thinking that friends will leave me or hate me because of my failures and rejections in life. When I finally decide to tell Jascinta about this, I got a slap in the face(verbally). It was a wake up slap. She said that taking this into mind is making me push all my friends away instead of them leaving me. It was hard to take it from her first but I realise that she was right. Friends that are true friends don't judge people based on their achievements or how BIG they are, they are your friends because they deserve to be your friends. Knowing that, I should have just let it go, reach for goals that I aim for in the future and most of all STOP THINKING TOO MUCH.

Thank You God for giving me time to think of these moments as well as giving me experience. Whatever You're giving me, I know that You know I need it/them. And so I give thanks in faith. I am so so in gratitude now. You truly blow my mind away God.  

Keep my heart open, and let it always be full of joy, love, faith and passion.

Love, Danker.
Praying for a change.


Continue...

Got a whatssap message from my mum from America late in the evening. "Hey Ken, how are you? how are your bros? Btw we are going to Aus in the first week of June. It is already confirm."
Yup, will be going there during winter. Checking there whether I can fit in or not. I know right. Time just pass by like a bullet train. Since my exam finishes on the 22nd of May, which means I have only a week to see others before I leave. Maybe I should buy them presents?? Maybe I can just write them a note?? I dunno... Maybe I dun deserve to migrate there?? Migrating is like I'm running away and starting something new. But what if I dont want something new?? Still have time to think about it. If I go, should I NOT tell others. Coz its really hard to see those whom are close to me like Sabrina, Jean, Jenny, Jascinta, Eugene, Shane, Jarren....etc... cry or show me that 'SAD GONNA MISS YOU FACE'. I know its gonna hurt me as well. I know there will be time that either one of us go and visit the other but things would never be the same again. So I ask this God, IS MY LIFE GONNA CONTINUE OVER HERE OR NOT?? 

Laura Story's Blessings

'Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise


Wow. wow. wow. 
What a beautiful song. Its such songs you know such pain and declaration of faith and trust was behind all the writing. And its such songs that tell of a great and beautiful Saviour God whom we can still grasp on. 

Jesus. I am learning. Thank You for this incredible journey.

Spontaneous

Lets steal away together
Cloudy days don't get much better than this
'Cause I want more of our jet plane romances

Pause

When they first told me about it, you’re in shock, you can’t believe that it really happened. And as I arrived his body was still on the street, there was a pool of blood by his head where he had been shot. The verse that came to me just by the spirit of God was “Precious in the sight of the LORD is the death of his faithful servants” And as I just stepped out and sat next to his body, I knew I was on holy ground.

And I just said “Lord I know that You know everything on our hearts. But this I have to say: it is well with my soul. This was what you wanted, and it is well with my soul.”

— Ruth Ruibai, on her husband Julio Ruibai getting martyred for his faith.

 

Decided to take an hour break from study madness to watch the video. This quote above made me stop the video just so that I can take it down. Well actually the verse isn't exactly what she said but I think its the same verse.. just different translation! (I couldn't hear it properly and so I googled it) 

It is well with my soul.

Pure faith, hope and trust in Jesus like this is so beautiful, it brings tears to my eyes. Such purity is something so many lack, including me. But the beauty of it inspires and touches me, and I yearn to be able to say the same thing in any circumstance.

God, grow me.

It is well with my soul. God be praised.